We’re still alive! Or are we? Maybe we were all so mentally scarred by the apocalypse that we blocked it all out and we are in fact… undead. Maybe those bastards were right. Does anyone want to try dying just to check whether we are definitely alive? Please nobody actually try, I’ll get done for inciting some new age Charles Manson episode, then I might actually be dead… and all I did was attempt to write a harmless little blog about 2013.
Yes World Wide Web I’m pretty excited that we get to have at least one more year; another bash at this life bit. Why? Cos there were a few things I was getting excited about. First and foremost shall we talk about football?

FOOTBALL. What a wonder season. Football may be the greatest thing the Mayans ever gave the world. FACT (the only time I’ll ever quote Benitez). I’d like to make a request to the Mayans: Please may the next Armageddon happen some time between the end of May and mid-August? Cheers. FA cup now underway, anyone could win. Well, not Newcastle. Bless ‘em. Sorry Geordie readers, too easy. C’mon the Toon! Next year’s gonna be a good one for NUFC. I am now going to over-compensate with complements about the sensationally beautiful City of Newcastle and its extraordinarily wonderful people so as not to alienate or offend them. We love Tyneside, so much so we played there twice last year. My favourite thing about the place? Probably the bridges… good bridges. Favourite one? Don’t make me decide! Agh ok. Probs the gateshead millennium bridge. That’s what’s gonna be big in 2013. The Gateshead Millennium Bridge. Wonder bridge.

Will there be a new series of Geordie Shore? Fingers crossed. I’ve not worked out whether that show is scripted yet or not. I can confirm, and quite sincerely, that it is nothing short of poetry. I wonder if you can buy transcripts.

I digress, soz. Lol. Etc. There’s so much awesome shit about to hit you in the face you better get excited. I’m gonna try listing them. SMASH. The Villagers’ new video for The Waves. POW. Stewart Lee’s new show. KUU-BANG. Dawes’ new album. DING-DONG. This Is The End. NOISES. Superman. I’m only just getting started and I’ve already shat all over your face. Another side-note for you, Shat, the past participle of the verb to shit, is not recognized by the Oxford English Dictionary as a real word. It is very much a real word and I would like to see its inclusion in a revised edition for 2013.

Something I’ve been getting into is The Moth. It’s competitive storytelling. http://themoth.org/. I’ve not been competing myself; apparently I haven’t got anything cohesive or insightful to say, as I’m learning right this moment. I have been to see it though and it has blown my tiny mind. Get involved survivors.

I’m pretty excited about Telluride Bluegrass Festival’s 40th anniversary, wonder-fessie. I’m not sure whether we’re playing yet but I’m gonna be there come rain or shine… moonshine. It’s a play on words. No biggie. That is a great festival. Festivals generally this year are something to get excited about. Here are the lyrics I wrote to a jingle about festivals, you can make up your own melody…

Come big or small
You’ve got to love them all.
They’re not quite as good
As the game football
But festivals are great
There’s no debate
Even if they’re not as good as football

You’re welcome. I’m not sure I’ve got much else to say, I’m not sure I had much to say in the first place. But welcome viral visitors to the year Twenty-Thirteen.

One love.