Mumford & Sons are back in that green and pleasant land of which William Blake once asked ‘Did those feet walk in ancient times?’ - a rather bizarre reference to Jesus I believe. I guess Blake must have misread Bethlehem for Battersea. Anyway, neither here nor there. Upon these shores the boys reflect upon the wonderful adventures that were had on the continent of Europe.

Where was it we last conversed? Ah yes, Gaye Paris! From the capital we headed south towards Strasbourg, Lyon and Toulon. One felt like Icarus flying towards the sun - a sensation not helped by the suspiciously ill-timed breaking of our air conditioning; Sod’s Law I believe they call it. By the way, who was this ‘Sod’ and why was he allowed to make such awful ‘Laws’?

As the temperature soared and wax dripped everywhere, tempers flared within the ranks of the the Mumfordmobile. Petty arguments arose, intensified and dissipated only to be replaced by more such childish squabble. Swelteringly hot heat licked its cruel flames into every nook and cranny of our bus and sweat dripped from its ceiling. If you thought Marcus sweated a lot on stage think again. It felt rather like a Tennessee Williams play minus (I hope) sexual tension and naturally I took on the role of Marlon Brando. Mirages were seen and desperate rain dances were pathetically offered to no avail. The beating intensity of the Mediterranean sun seemed to concentrate all of its might within the slowly baking tin can of a vehicle causing grown men to cry for their mothers.

Despite all of this however, the south of France was really rather good fun. Winnie was impressively good at the lingo which we all jealously and secretly admired him for. Albatross joined us for the second half of our tour which was a great addition. Great guy, great MUSIC...

From the land of Gaul we sped back up to Brussels where Winnie made an inappropriate gag about French-Flemish relations. Great start, particularly as the government had collapsed the previous day. Classic Winnie.

Next stop: Utrecht. Probably the most beautiful city we visited except for maybe Zurich where we played the gig by a sublimely situated Alpine lake with stunningly beautiful scenery. Johnny, James and Ben went skinny dipping that evening. Not exactly stunning in the way that the surrounding scenery was stunning but the experience certainly left a marked impression upon those observing the scene; it was rather like having an image permanently burnt into the back of one’s retina.

Italy: Bologna. Several of the boys visit the cathedral and argue about Church history. Winnie inexplicably reckoned churches didn’t exist as building until the 7th or 8th century. Tom scoffs at this appalling assertion reminding Winnie that Constantine was building such places as early as the beginning of the 4th century in Jerusalem and Justinian commissioned the largest ever Church in Constantinople in the 6th. Winnie remembers Tom is completely correct and apologises for his brief lapse. Pizza is consumed in industrial quantities and it turns out espressos don’t taste as cool as they look.

Final stop: Rome. Disaster strikes! Marcus is hit down by tonsillitis. He furiously tries to resist wanting to cry out ‘Friends, Romans, Countrymen, Lend me your ears!’ but alas he can do nothing but timidly croak. The die is cast. The gig is cancelled. Gloom descends upon the group and the boys are ravished with a feeling they have let people down.

Next day and most of the group head for a flight back home but George, Tom and Ben brave it on the bus all the way back and in doing so they discover the television series The Wire and their lives are changed forever. They begin to talk as if they are ‘in the game’ and wonder which one of them is most like Stringer Bell. Tom is quietly confident he knows the answer. Season 2 is smashed by the time they get home.

Right. That’s it really. Next time you hear from Tour headquarters it’ll be from the U.S of A. Until then, goodbye I suppose.

Love a surrogate M&S HQ and MarcusWinnieTed&Ben

x